My 31st Birthday Present: Facing My Attacker & Walking Into Light!

“You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.” -Psalm 18: 28

Kit Evans facing her attacker

Today is my birthday. I turn 31!

As a birthday gift to myself and my family I decided to face my attacker and consciously work to walk into the light.

Five years ago I was cut with a butcher knife, stripped of my clothing, strangled, and robbed as a stranger whom I did not know, attempted to rape me.

The police caught him.  I and another lady testified a year later and he received 46 years in prison.

Five years ago I also lived in one of the most beautiful places in the world.  I lived in the island nation of St. Kitts and Nevis.

The beautiful Caribbean Sea, palm trees, the sounds of Kittitian dialect, rays of golden yellow sunshine, laughs, and hikes full of delightful high-pitched chirps from 2 feet tall monkey’s.  These make me smile.

Over the years, as I have worked to heal past my assault and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I have wondered what happened to the man that for whatever reason hurt me and also raped other women.

I have also wondered about all of the beautiful people I met that became family to me in St. Kitts.

Two months ago I decided instead of wondering, why not go back and visit?

No one is going to hurt me and God will never put more on me than I can bear.

Psychologically sometimes the mind tries to create fear that is very deceiving.  Trauma can manifest itself in bad dreams, hallucinations, not being able to breathe properly, fear, fear, anxiety, anxiety, depression, and more.

But, the devil really is a liar.  We do not have to live a life fearing our past and holding on to what someone has done to us. With God all things are possible.

I go back to St. Kitts next week. Not just to face my trauma and the man who assaulted me, but to move forward walking into the light.

Though my assault and trauma left a grayish, black covering over my St. Kitts experience, there is still so much light that I consciously have to allow to shine through.

I’ll be visiting St. Kitts because I know the sun that shines so brightly literally and also through people on the island is what I need to keep with me moving forward healthily.

It is also what I need to have to share with my future children.

I will not hold onto this darkness. I will not even hold on to my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

For my 31st birthday I am consciously walking into the light.

God Bless You!

“For with you is the fountain of life; in your light we see light.” – Psalm 36: 9 (NIV)

Hope Writer: Argrow “Kit” Evans

NOTE: This is a repost of Kit’s article published in her blog Testimonies of Hope and was used with her permission.


About Kit Evans

Argrow Kitnequa “Kit” Evans has multiple degrees, traveled the world, and worked with several organizations.

She learned that these achievements are nothing if she wasn’t blessing other people. She founded “Testimonies of Hope: The Intercultural Christian Devotional Website” to highlight how people attained hope in Jesus Christ despite the bad experiences they went through.

Kit says: “Over the last 17 years I have watched, studied, and served; learning that violence can be prevented and healing from trauma is a journey, but possible.“


The Day I Met My Biological Father

Testimonies of Hope Kit Evans

When I was 17 years old I worked at a grocery store.  That day at the store seemed to be just like any other day.  The sun blazed through the window as I swiped the food, cigarettes, dog food, and drinks. The job had become routine and I knew many people who visited.

I didn’t know that day I would receive a visit I would never forget.  He was standing in my line watching me; I didn’t even realize it.

When it was his turn I looked up and before I could say a word he spoke, “Happy Valentine’s Day”, and handed me a card.

He stated: “I am your daddy. I am sorry I have not been there for you. But, I am here now.“

I stared in a gaze.  It seemed as if time had stopped around me.  Thoughts raced:  “Who are you? I already have a daddy. Why are you giving me a card?  Why are you here staring at me?”

I opened the card and there was money there. I looked up.

“Sir, I can not take your money.”

He spoke, “Please take it.  I am sorry I was not there for you growing up. I used to watch you from a distance when you were a little girl.  But, I am here for you now.”

I don’t really remember the rest of the conversation, but I do remember him smiling at me.  He walked away; he walked with a limp.

After that meeting I was confused, hurt, loved. There where so many unanswered questions.

Now, 14 years later, some of those questions have been answered.

I learned a lot from meeting my biological father. One thing I have learned is that it is a blessing to forgive others and it is also a blessing to give and receive love.

When a girl or boy grows up without a father in the home there can be issues related to insecurity.

We sometimes think, am I not special enough for you to have stayed?  Am I not special enough for you to have attended my games, purchased my book bag, or even to have taken me out for pizza on my birthday?

Over the years I’ve learned that God gives us love in different ways and through different people.

We may receive that love through our biological parents or God may send a special friend, a new family!

Ephesians 4:2 reads, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”

Over the years I have had my struggles with understanding my relationship with my father, but I have also realized that humility, forgiveness, and love helps us to meet people where they are.

This in turn gives us the space to allow God to meet us where we are.  God ultimately covers us, protects us, loves us, and gives us love on earth!

Be Encouraged Ya’ll,

Hope Writer:  Argrow “Kit” Evans 

NOTE: This is a repost of Kit’s article published in her blog Testimonies of Hope and was used with her permission.


About Kit Evans

Argrow Kitnequa “Kit” Evans has multiple degrees, traveled the world, and worked with several organizations.

She learned that these achievements are nothing if she wasn’t blessing other people. She founded “Testimonies of Hope: The Intercultural Christian Devotional Website” to highlight how people attained hope in Jesus Christ despite the bad experiences they went through.

Kit says: “Over the last 17 years I have watched, studied, and served; learning that violence can be prevented and healing from trauma is a journey, but possible.“


Awakened!

Lyrics by Tessa Kwe
Music by Jonan Castillon
Vocals by Jen Joy Gandola

My heart rejoices in song O Lord,
My soul is glad and full of joy,
My lips shall praise your goodness and mercy,
My whole being glorifies your name;
For this child that once was lost,
Now is found!

I have come back home
Into my Father’s waiting arms;
As one soul comes back to You humbly,
All of Heaven rejoices.

I have given my heart to Christ,
My world once dark is now filled with light;
And now I know what I must do,
Live in God’s way and word;
For as my Savior died for me,
I must live for Him.

“Awakened” was the Christ Emphasis Week theme song in July 2010 at Central Philippine University, Iloilo City, Philippines.